Postal Rage

Last week I posted about shoes, and my very emotionally scarring experiences buying them.

 I truly thought that I had found a relatively pain free option in eBay (although I did get a pair of shoes I’d been winning all week cruelly snatched away from me in the last 30 seconds even though I was watching the page at the time- but that was my fault.) 

I’d won and paid for my new ridiculous shoes and was waiting for them to arrive in the post. Since I’ve inherited my father’s sense of paranoia and distrust of strangers, especially strangers who have taken your money, I was worried that the guy might scam me and I would have no shoes. But he sent me an email confirming dispatch and a tracking number so I knew they had been sent.

Then I was worried that maybe they would get held up somewhere because of all the ice and snow, but even then it would just a few days late and so that wouldn’t have been too much of a problem.

What I didn’t worry about was that my postman would be to be too bloody lazy to write out a  ‘Sorry we missed you!’ card and leaving the my precious shoes on my doorstop, in my crappy neighbourhood, for someone to steal. Which (if you hadn’t already guessed) is exactly what happened. 

Fortunately the thieves kindly took my shoes out of the packaging and left in on the doorstep so instead of thinking they had been lost in the post, I knew I had been robbed.

The weird thing is I’m not that angry at the people who took my shoes. Yeah, it was pretty shitty to steal my shoes and I’m not saying I like them, but if I had left the shoes outside my house myself, I would not have been surprised if someone had taken them. We live close to a busy road, right near loads of pubs and clubs so there is always nob heads walking past our house, plus we are in a bit of a red light district (a brothel on our road got shut down earlier in the year). It’s not so rough that I worry about getting beat up but you wouldn’t leave your stuff outside. 

Which is why all of my anger has been focused entirely at the post office. This anger grew when I had to select about 20 different options on their stupid, automated menu and speak all my details in before being put on hold, then still being called the wrong name when someone finally answered.

I had planned to really lay into the customer service guy when I got through, but my burning rage was temporally subsided as the evil post office had hired some charming Australian guy, who was so apologetic and made me remember that I work in customer service and I hate it when people shout at me for things that aren’t my fault. So I managed to mumble ‘I’m very angry’ before giggling like a fool and going ‘Oh thank you Josh!’ when he assured me that the postie would get told off and directing me to the online forms I needed to fill in. 

However the fury quickly returned when I found out that the form wasn’t a nice, user friendly online form, but a PDF that I needed to print out, complete by hand and post back.

It wasn’t even a nice PDF form.

If I was in a calm state of mind I might have thought that the declaration that you’re not committing fraud was a reasonable request but by this stage I read it as ‘YOU ARE TRYING TO STEAL FROM US BY COMPLETING THIS FORM.’ 

The form also called for me to provide printouts of the paypal transaction and the item on eBay. Again calm, rational me would have understood that obviously this is required, this form wasn’t just for me, this form was for other people too. People who might try and defraud them and the post office didn’t know that I am honest person who wasn’t trying to steal from them. 

But rational me wasn’t in charge. By now I had become a tower of simmering rage and I couldn’t believe that audacity of the post of it to accuse me of stealing from them when it was them; who’s careless, disregard of my property was the whole reason I was having to complete their stupid, wanking form in the first place.

I was so angry again I decided to write a letter! (I’m tough) 

Regrettably, the terrifying prospect of having to confront someone, even in letter format, overrode most of my anger so I still didn’t dare write what I was actually thinking, but just so you can understand my inner turmoil I’ve included what I was actually feeling (and what I would have wrote if I had bigger balls) in red

Dear Sir or Madam,

Please find enclosed a claim form for the contents of my package which was delivered to my house on 13^th December 2010. The package was left on my doorstep without my consent (because what kind of moron consents to their stuff being left in the street all day, especially when I live less than a mile from the depot) and then the package was opened and the contents stolen (unsurprisingly)

As the recipient of the package I am unable to provide details regarding the posting. (How dare you ask for this information I can’t obtain without speaking to a stranger) However I do have an order tracking number which I trust will provide you with sufficient information and proof that the package was posted. (It’s on your bastard system so you better not kick up a fuss) 

I have also included a print out of the eBay item sale page and PayPal pages which should provide you with an adequate description of the item and details of the cost (I can’t believe you have asked for this, you are wasting my ink on top of getting my shoes stolen). Please note that the shoes cost £12.50 and postage and packaging cost £4.50 which I paid to the seller. As such I expect the full £17 to be refunded to me. (Don’t think you are going to cheat me out of money if the postage cost less than £4.50)

I am furious that this has happened and the whole situation has inconvenienced me greatly (I’ve had to spend my precious evening filling out your pissing forms instead of watching TV and drinking beer). I am also annoyed that I was unable to complete an online form. Having to print and post this form (not to mention calling up your ridiculous customer service line which has far too many automated menus) (I really did put that bit in BURNED post office, point to me!) has wasted my time and inconvenienced me further when an online form would have been quicker and easier to complete and easier to process on your end as well. (I think I pretty much put what I thought here, I was feeling a little bit cocky by this point)

In addition to receiving compensation for my stolen package I would also like to receive a letter of apology from the postal worker involved. (Since he couldn’t be bothered to fill out a card he can write me a whole letter instead) 

I expect to hear from you shortly.  (If you don’t call me back I’m going to pester you constantly)

As you can see from the end of my letter, anger makes me a tad petty (I have a younger sibling which I blame for this) so I thought I would insult the post office further by emailing them copies of my forms.

 I thought this would really stick it to them and make them feel like they were old and redundant, but the post office have clearly thought of this already and I couldn’t find an email address on their website so I’ll have to post the forms tomorrow (by which time I’ll probably take out the past about the apology letter and the online forms- even though I do think it’s something they should do). 

Most of all I feel disappointed with the post office. It’s not the first time its let me down, but it’s never let someone steal my stuff before. I’m sure I will get over my rage (I’m pretty much there already if I’m honest now that I don’t have any more forms to fill out) but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully trust it again. And once the trust has gone, well… it’s never the same. 

Plus it has definitely not helped with my shoe buying issues. 

UPDATE: The post office may be a big pile of wank but the people from eBay are not! I told them the shoes had been stolen and they very kindly sent me another pair despite it not being their fault at all!
You can visit their eBay shop here if you want to buy your shoes from awesome kind people!

Does eBay think I'm a tranny?

Because I don't get many emails from real people, I do occasionally read my junk mail just so I feel like its worth while having an email address.

I've recently signed up for a new eBay account, since although I know I have an old one I've forgotten any information which I would need to access it again. Ideally there would be a forgotten your User name, password, email address, postal address and possibly your own name form to fill in but sadly not.

As this is a brand new account, I have no purchase history at all. And the only things I've bid on are some shoes and 2 coats (which is why I signed up again.) So when I spotted an email from eBay saying 'Are these to your tastes?' I was intrigued to see what I had revealed about myself to eBay in my two days of use.

Under the heading "based on what you have bid on, you may like these" there was a picture of 1 pair of shoes and 5 pictures of wigs.

At first I just though "Oh silly eBay, you've got nothing so you give me wigs!" But then I remembered that eBay is a pretty big website that makes a lot of money and can afford some complicated marking technology that probably doesn't involve sending people random pictures of wigs.

I thought back to the items I had bid on, shoes and coats. Not fancy dress shoes and coats, just normal ones. So why wigs? There just didn't seem to be a connection.

I was confused so I asked my boyfriend what he though:
 
Me: All I've bid on are some shoes and coats and eBay is offering me wigs?
Boyfriend: Maybe it thinks you are a tranny?

First I just laugh at him, and then I remember my massive feet. The whole reason I was buying shoes on eBay is because I need size 9 shoes and most women's shoes only go up to an 8.
Going shoe shopping in 'real life' shops is a horrific experience for me. You have to go in, look at all the pretty shoes, select your favorite, find an assistant, ask if they have it in your size, be told no, mournfully return the shoe, select your second favorite, find the assistant again, ask again if this is in your size, be told no again, put the shoe back again and then keep repeating the process until there is only the ugly, granny shoes left and your soul worn down to nothing from the constant failure and confirmation that your feet are too freakishly large for nice shoes that you burst out crying in a wave of self pity and frustration. On occasion an assistant has taken pity on me and just taken me into the store cupboard to look at all the size 9 shoes in one go, but even then once you're in there it's still just all the ugly, granny shoes only now you are in a small cupboard with a sales assistant looking expectantly on and now I have to buy a pair of ugly, granny shoes and go home cry about the money I've wasted on them (and the fact that I have mutant feet means I don't deserve pretty things).

Even in shops that display the shoes in size order are just as traumatic. Again the big shoe section is usually at the back of the store (hidden away from the light), so you have to walk past all the smaller shoes first, large sections of multi coloured shoes and boots, with high heels and ribbons and bows and glitter and fancy designs on them. You start to get excited- maybe things will be different this time, maybe there will be beautiful shoes for me too?

Then you reach them. No spacey, high up shelves for these shoes. Its always the bottom shelf, in the corner where all the dust collects. Most of them are navy, flat, no ribbons, no bows, no glitter, no fancy patterns. But there is still a glimmer of hope, dotted amongst the plain, boring shoes, you see nicer shoes, shoes that would probably hurt your feet but would look amazing on!

But its still just a cruel trick, because just like the other shoe store, they are not shoes for you! They are just other shoes that people have tried on and not bothered to put back on the right shelf. The prettiest shoes available to me are shoes which women with normal feet have rejected. And they are not even really available to me, they are just there, taunting me.

This also usually results in me crying but at least there is not a sales person who knows involved in my humiliation. Any one who sees me crying will probably assume it is because I've just received some horrible news and not that I am crying over shoes. I hope, maybe in future I will get my phone out as a cover.

As you can see, shoe shopping is the same pleasure for me as sex in the city would have you believe. So eBay seemed like a good option. I could look at shoes just in my size so I won't get jealous of all the other shoes and if I cry, nobody will  know because I'm at home on my laptop!



As you can see big my feet are a bit of a sensitive issue for me, and now eBay thinks I'm a man because of them and since I'm pretty sure I specified my gender when I signed up; not just any man, a big, lying, transvestite man. Great.

 OK since I started writing this post, I have won these shoes:

Maybe I can see eBay's point.

On the plus side, they are more then one colour, they have a heel and a FRICKEN BOW!