I've recently signed up for a new eBay account, since although I know I have an old one I've forgotten any information which I would need to access it again. Ideally there would be a forgotten your User name, password, email address, postal address and possibly your own name form to fill in but sadly not.
As this is a brand new account, I have no purchase history at all. And the only things I've bid on are some shoes and 2 coats (which is why I signed up again.) So when I spotted an email from eBay saying 'Are these to your tastes?' I was intrigued to see what I had revealed about myself to eBay in my two days of use.
Under the heading "based on what you have bid on, you may like these" there was a picture of 1 pair of shoes and 5 pictures of wigs.
At first I just though "Oh silly eBay, you've got nothing so you give me wigs!" But then I remembered that eBay is a pretty big website that makes a lot of money and can afford some complicated marking technology that probably doesn't involve sending people random pictures of wigs.
I thought back to the items I had bid on, shoes and coats. Not fancy dress shoes and coats, just normal ones. So why wigs? There just didn't seem to be a connection.
I was confused so I asked my boyfriend what he though:
Me: All I've bid on are some shoes and coats and eBay is offering me wigs?
Boyfriend: Maybe it thinks you are a tranny?
First I just laugh at him, and then I remember my massive feet. The whole reason I was buying shoes on eBay is because I need size 9 shoes and most women's shoes only go up to an 8.
Going shoe shopping in 'real life' shops is a horrific experience for me. You have to go in, look at all the pretty shoes, select your favorite, find an assistant, ask if they have it in your size, be told no, mournfully return the shoe, select your second favorite, find the assistant again, ask again if this is in your size, be told no again, put the shoe back again and then keep repeating the process until there is only the ugly, granny shoes left and your soul worn down to nothing from the constant failure and confirmation that your feet are too freakishly large for nice shoes that you burst out crying in a wave of self pity and frustration. On occasion an assistant has taken pity on me and just taken me into the store cupboard to look at all the size 9 shoes in one go, but even then once you're in there it's still just all the ugly, granny shoes only now you are in a small cupboard with a sales assistant looking expectantly on and now I have to buy a pair of ugly, granny shoes and go home cry about the money I've wasted on them (and the fact that I have mutant feet means I don't deserve pretty things).
Even in shops that display the shoes in size order are just as traumatic. Again the big shoe section is usually at the back of the store (hidden away from the light), so you have to walk past all the smaller shoes first, large sections of multi coloured shoes and boots, with high heels and ribbons and bows and glitter and fancy designs on them. You start to get excited- maybe things will be different this time, maybe there will be beautiful shoes for me too?
Then you reach them. No spacey, high up shelves for these shoes. Its always the bottom shelf, in the corner where all the dust collects. Most of them are navy, flat, no ribbons, no bows, no glitter, no fancy patterns. But there is still a glimmer of hope, dotted amongst the plain, boring shoes, you see nicer shoes, shoes that would probably hurt your feet but would look amazing on!
But its still just a cruel trick, because just like the other shoe store, they are not shoes for you! They are just other shoes that people have tried on and not bothered to put back on the right shelf. The prettiest shoes available to me are shoes which women with normal feet have rejected. And they are not even really available to me, they are just there, taunting me.
This also usually results in me crying but at least there is not a sales person who knows involved in my humiliation. Any one who sees me crying will probably assume it is because I've just received some horrible news and not that I am crying over shoes. I hope, maybe in future I will get my phone out as a cover.
As you can see, shoe shopping is the same pleasure for me as sex in the city would have you believe. So eBay seemed like a good option. I could look at shoes just in my size so I won't get jealous of all the other shoes and if I cry, nobody will know because I'm at home on my laptop!
As you can see big my feet are a bit of a sensitive issue for me, and now eBay thinks I'm a man because of them and since I'm pretty sure I specified my gender when I signed up; not just any man, a big, lying, transvestite man. Great.
OK since I started writing this post, I have won these shoes:
Maybe I can see eBay's point.
On the plus side, they are more then one colour, they have a heel and a FRICKEN BOW!
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