Friday 24 December 2010

Relationship Contract

Dear Mr Taylor,

I am writing to inform you that your contract as Becky's boyfriend is coming up for renewal.

Since you have been a valued customer for many years you have the following options.

To renew your contract we require one of the following:

1. Making a romantic gesture, examples include treating Becky to lunch, buying her flowers or composing a song/poem.
2. Buying Becky a gift. The boots we saw in Jones yesterday would be an excellent choice.

If you would like to upgrade your contract to premium status you can do so by proposing.

If for any reason you are not satisfied with the service you have been provided and would like to cancel your contract please fill out the relevant forms and enjoy your miserable life alone.

If you would like to discuss any of your options further please contact me on the number below.

Have a nice day!

Rebecca
Your Loving Girlfriend


Dear Rebecca,

Thank you for your email.

Please confirm that our contract has now been renewed.

As per the renewal conditions, a gift would be required before the renewal can be completed. According to my records, every day you spend with me is a gift from Our Lord God in Heaven.

Please note that if this is not acceptable for a renewal, I will taking this to the market for review, with a view to finding a cheaper, but still reasonably attractive alternative. As I'm sure you know, these are tough economic times and we all have to tighten our belts (just not around our necks).

I appreciate all the servicing of me you've done over the years. I hope we can reach a mutually acceptable renewal agreement.

Kind regards,
Matthew Taylor
Man | With needs

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